Preface:
It’s that time of year where everyone gets really reflective. They reflect back on everything that has happened over the year. For me, I’m not going to reflect back on this year, because in truth, it’s been a really, really great year for me. And, one of the happiest I’ve had in a long time. Instead I’m going to reflect back two and half years ago to a much, much more unhappy and uncertain time for me.
I have a small confession. My New Year’s resolution isn’t new at all. In fact, it was my resolution in 2010 and 2011. It’s not something that I can track per se or set milestones to monitor my progress. Instead, it’s a resolution- or more precisely a promise to myself- that will only help me to be happier and maintain my sanity.
My resolution is to continue cutting ties with the consistently negative and hurtful people in my life, who are always trying to bring me down to their level.
Up until the last two and half years, I prided myself on being nice and trying to be friends with everyone. It worked for awhile, until I realized I was naive and completely in denial. It took some of the most gut-wrenchingly nasty situations, including witnessing my parents’ uber-hostile divorce, with “friends” and “family members” before I realized I was being treated like complete crap by some of the people, who I called family and BFFs. This may be the suckiest epiphany I ever had. Because, there’s nothing good about shattering ties with family members (including my own father and grandmother) and some at the time close friends, who I had invested countless amounts of energy and time on.
It sucked then. It still sucks now, more than two years later. Majorly sucks at times. (And yes, I have my moments where I second guess these decisions). But maybe, it took being so brutally beat down (by a whole host of situations playing out at the same time) to realize that most of my unhappiness was brought on by myself and the people I associated with. I was choosing to be in these circumstances, because I was willingly associating myself with these friends and family members, who continued to hurt me.
Now more than 2 years later, It’s surprising how much happier I am.
Looking back, there was something almost therapeutic about shattering the burdens and shackles I was carrying around with me.
I became more independent.
I became more resilient.
I became more productive.
I even began to find my true self.
This may be the hardest post I’ve ever written. But, I’m doing it to keep myself accountable and to keep taking the steps needed in my personal life, so that I don’t fall back into the depression and downward spiral that consumed me in 2009.
Hang in there, Jessica. I’ve been exposed to the trials and tribulations of divorce through my wife’s family and it can get pretty darn ugly. Sometimes life just deals you shitty cards. It’s what you do with those shitty cards that matters.
@arikhanson Thanks, Arik. That’s a great point, and one I’ve heard it a lot in the last few years. It’s been over 2 and half years, so I’ve recovered from most of the hostility and ugliness that divorce brings with it for the most part. But between that, a couple of nasty situations with friends at the time and an upcoming college graduation, 2009 was a rough year. But, I know all the crap I went through made me a hell of a lot stronger. It’s what propelled me forward because I don’t ever want to be caught in such a downward spiral again.
Brave post Jessica. Sending you continued strength to keep the faith and continue on the righteous path. You know, I saw my family splintered, fractured and torn from divorce and one of the most important lessons I learned us that time heals all wounds. Not saying that reconciliation is in the future but as time marches on, it does get easier to forget about the pain and anguish. Wishing you the best in 2012!
@John_Trader1 Thanks, John. I appreciate your kind words and support.